With Great Care
by hasserbine
Summary: Kenzi consults a doctor about a complicated problem. Set before S2. This story has been previously posted elsewhere.


This is a repost of a fic which has been previously posted elsewhere.

Kenzi consults a doctor about a complicated problem. Set before S2.  
Some grown-up language.  
Feedback appreciated.

**Disclaimer: This show and these characters are not my toys. **

Carefully, Lauren allocated a precise amount of dye to a sample slide.

Lauren did everything with great care. Her circumstances required it. Her unique position in the world was a much more precarious one than she liked to make apparent, and permitted no margin for error. Habit had fostered her fastidious nature, and time had honed it to a fine edge. It had been a hard won lesson that would be hard lost even if, by some extraordinary turn of fate, her conditions should ever change.

She was reaching for the next slide when the lab doors burst open, and the room's busy, professional calm evaporated instantly. It was the kind of commotion that she knew - before looking and without a doubt - could only represent the touchdown of Hurricane Kenzi.

She put the slide back down, and wondered a little wistfully when she might get to see it again.

Kenzi was truly gifted. She didn't need to be actually saying or doing anything to generate a tangible presence of chaos, it just seemed to accompany her like a faithful companion. Chaos came with Kenzi just as surely as Kenzi came with Bo; a constant accomplice, like a jealously protective little guard dog.

Bo was very different from her younger friend that way. It always seemed, to Lauren, that Bo could appear out of thin air; materialising suddenly and distractingly close. She'd wondered whether that was an innate skill for a succubus, a supernatural predator stealth, or just the effect Bo had on _her_. Maybe it was just Bo; maybe she would always leave her feeling a little startled, a little disarmed, a little off balance. The doctor had yet to reach a conclusion on the matter.

By now though, she could see that Kenzi was alone, and the realisation made her heart sink just a little more than she was prepared for. She missed Bo so much it made her chest ache. She missed the ease they'd shared right from the start, and taken for granted. She missed the person she felt like when Bo was around. She missed the many little touches they'd constantly exchanged, deliberately casual in appearance, and anything but in their intent. Someone's fingertips finding the other's forearm. Someone's hand brushing across the other's lower back.

She missed blushing quite so much.

She felt a little guilty that the very things she was no longer rightly entitled to preyed on her the most. Intimate details, only briefly known, moments she'd tried desperately to bury deep down in the darkest recesses of her mind. She missed the heat of Bo's breath against her throat, the curves of Bo's body to her touch and the beat of Bo's heart against her own. And she missed - dearly - the fierce look of raw unadulterated _want_ in the other woman's dark eyes which, for one night and perhaps only that, had been hers alone.

She just missed Bo. She missed everything about Bo.

But that problem was big enough to keep itself for now. What troubled her _now_ was the much less complicated truth that anything which could compel _Kenzi_ to seek out_ her_ company didn't bode well for anybody. She also wondered, vaguely, how in the hell the girl had gotten past security, but the rules of physics hardly seemed to apply to Kenzi sometimes, nevermind any lesser ones.

Diminutive feet pounded heavy biker boots in Lauren's direction, and the doctor duly stood up to offer a greeting.

"Hello Kenzi." she started, already scanning for visible injuries and thankful to find none. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"

"Mornin' Captain Labcoat. I'll save you the pleasantries and get to the point. I need me a doctor, and you're the only one I know who's not also a tattoo artist or a circus performer."

Lauren did her best not to blink in surprise.

"Well...I'll take that as a testament to your faith in my abilities. What seems to be the problem?"

"I was kind of hoping we could talk, you know, _privately_."

Kenzi nodded broadly at a nearby lab tech, and then made a theatrically indiscreet pantomime of whispering past her hand.

_"Girl stuff_." she said, her voice somehow even louder than usual.

The lab tech, mildly affronted, continued about his business with an equally artificial display of rigid distinterest.

"_Human_ girl stuff."

The tech's lip twitched minutely.

"Embarrassing human girl stuff." she said finally, dropping all pretense of discretion.

Lauren raised her hands, a gesture of placation or defeat, or both.

"Of course, yes, let's go somewhere a little more private."

The lab tech shot Lauren a sympathetic eyeroll as they walked past, and for one instantly-regretted split second, Lauren was tempted to meet it. She couldn't help appreciating such precious gestures of camaraderie from her colleagues, even if it was probably founded at least partly in the tech's distaste for humans.

Truthfully though, in many ways Lauren thought of herself as more doctor than human, and it was that instinct which came first. She had already started mentally cataloguing symptoms and illnesses and treatments as they made their way to an exam room. She and Kenzi were unlikely to ever be the best of friends, but so long as she was Lauren's patient, nothing and nobody else mattered.

She pulled the exam room's door behind her. Kenzi threw off her jacket and hopped up on a bed without waiting for an invitation. Lauren rolled a chair closer and took a seat, although it didn't escape the notice of either woman that she still maintained some distance.

"So Kenzi, how can I help you?"

"Well Doc" she started, without urgency. "It's not so much me. I'm kinda here on behalf of somebody." The girl reclined back onto the bed and folded her hands over her stomach, clearly intent on settling in for a while. Lauren felt her shoulders drop ever so slightly, before guiltily correcting herself.

"See, I've got this friend."

The doctor, having heard this old chestnut so many times by now it had long since lost its entertainment value, only nodded.

"And my friend, lately she's not in great shape. She's got this thing about doctors, and I don't know how serious this deal is, so I figured I'd run it past you and get some advice about what I ought to tell her."

"Sure, sounds like a plan." Lauren relaxed back into her chair, not a little relieved to be at least starting out on familiar territory. "So, first things first, what specifically are the symptoms?"

"Long story short Doc, she's lost her hustle." Kenzi started, gesturing elaborately as she struggled to articulate the issue.

"She's lost her... like... pizazz. She just lays around the house all day like a big… I dunno, a big…. … walrus or something. Something better. Something hotter than a walrus that lays around all the time. Anyway. She doesn't want to show it, and she's still working and whatever, so I guess you could call her functional. If you didn't know her, you wouldn't see it, but for real, she's just going through the motions, there's no juice in the tank."

"This kind of... lethargy isn't really something you'd associate with her?" Lauren enquired, although it was only half a question as much as it was a statement.

Kenzi shook her head. "This girl Doc, she's usually a _violently_ irrepressible ray of sunshine. Some would say it's one of her most charming charming characteristics, as a matter of fact. And right now, she's just..." Kenzi threw up her hands with a frustrated note of defeat.

"I see. Go on."

"And she's distracted all the time. Can't seem to focus."

The doctor nodded, even as she watched Kenzi's eye wander from the sterling silver Parker pen in the her own labcoat pocket, over to the windowsill, and down to the computer.

"She's lost her appetite, she's sad all the time, she's touchy… I just… I don't know what to tell you Doc, but this isn't her kind of normal. This isn't her kind of normal at all."

Lauren nodded reassuringly again. "You should trust your instincts, about your friend."

The slightly uncomfortable third person charade quite aside, Lauren was sincere in this. She admired Kenzi's keen instincts very much. On reflection, she realised that they were probably a large source of the distance between them - Lauren could never quite shake the sense that Kenzi could see right through her, even if she didn't quite know what she was looking at. The girl had an unnerving, pitiless sense for ugly truths, and Lauren certainly had plenty of those to keep her own.

"How long has your uh, friend been feeling like this?"

"A while. She's a little better now than she was, but it's been like this way too long."

"Any physical symptoms that you're aware of?"

"She hasn't been sleeping properly, but otherwise, no. I mean, my friend, she's kind of a night owl anyway, but… now it's different, she lies awake for hours just...well... lying awake." She shrugged.

Lauren drummed her fingertips thoughtfully. Taking a moment to choose her words with care. Never without it; she'd never make that mistake again.

"Well, I'd need to know more to make a responsible diagnosis, but… from what you've told me, it sounds very much like a psychological problem than a physiological one. Which can be no less serious, certainly."

Kenzi frowned. "Psychological?" Then she brightened. "Does that mean you can prescribe something fun?"

"I'd need to know more, I'm afraid."

"You can but won't, right? That's what you're saying, that's what I'm hearing?"

Lauren smiled in spite of herself.

"This isn't necessarily something long term that's going to persist, and there are a lot of steps before we try medication. Can you think of anything significant that happened in your friend lately that might have triggered this sudden mood change? Something that might have upset them deeply? Some kind of trauma, or even a personal loss?"

Kenzi considered this for a moment, and eyed the doctor suspiciously.

"You don't have to tell me the details if you don't want to. But if there _is_ something then your _friend_ might need to talk about it, and she might be more comfortable speaking to somebody else."

Lauren reconsidered this choice of words.

"Somebody better _equipped._ I could set up an appointment with a therapist friend of mine, if you want, I can get you his details."

The girl didn't respond at first, and Lauren stood and stepped over to the desk to look for a business card.

"Well, there is one thing, but it's probably nothing."

Kenzi turned to face Lauren, a little sorry that the other woman's back was facing her, and that she wouldn't be able to enjoy watching her expression change.

"See, some bitch she trusted fucked her 'cause her asshole boss blew his fucking dogwhistle and told her to; and now my friend's moping around the house like an idiot and acting like a jerk, 'cause she just can't quite understand how somebody she cared about _so much_ could hurt her like that."

Lauren stiffened rigid instantly. She opened her mouth slowly to speak, but no response presented.

Kenzi took a long moment to relish the doctor's new, stricken body language.

"You think it would be too much to make a crack now about how "gee doctor, I think it might be her bad heart"?" she continued, now sitting up to watch her words land. Lauren could almost taste the venom dripping off every syllable.

"Mmm. Probably." Kenzi continued, nodding sagely to herself.

Lauren marshalled herself to turn and face the younger girl, even as her features flushed with anger and shame.

"Kenzi-"

"Don't bother. Just let me say my piece and then I'll be out of here, 'cause believe me I don't love your company any more than you're enjoying mine."

Her eyes dropped to the floor. As if pinned by Kenzi's fierce, dark gaze, she grimly resigned herself to whatever was going to follow.

"What do you want, Kenzi? I've already-."

"Just shut up Doc, and let me get this done with. See, my friend, this friend of mine, I think she's in a lotta pain. And as much as it makes me nauseous to my ass to watch you squirm and act like_ you're _the victim here, I hate seeing _that_ even more. I mean, I guess it's kinda funny, there's an irony in there that you managed to hurt a succubus so bad by acting like a whore. But for realsies, man I don't think anybody's gonna laugh about it for a while."

Lauren visibly flinched at this blunt implication.

"That's not… fair, Kenzi" she said quietly, curiously unsurprised to hear how feeble that sounded even to her own ears.

"Shit's not fair, Sawbones. Lots of shit is _not _fair. So let's just talk about my friend, so I can get gone and bother somebody I like instead."

Lauren gave a defeated shrug, and sank against the desk feeling a hundred years old. Suddenly every muscle in her body was tired.

"See, my friend, she's not like you and me. She's had a very weird life, and kind of skipped the whole difficult-second-album learning curve most of us have to go through with relationships. So she knows people can be assholes, but she's having to play catch up on what _kind_ of assholes they can really be."

Lauren shifted uncomfortably, but said nothing.

"'Cause man, was she ever _crazy_ about this girl." She widened her eyes for effect, hitting her stride.

"She used to find lame ways to talk about her at home, then get all… like, schoolgirl when she came up. God, she'd talk and talk about her, all the time, it was ridiculous. And she'd find all these weak ass excuses to visit her where she worked. All that shit, the whole nine yards, absolutely _crazy_ about the girl."

Lauren felt as though her chest was full of lead, and she found her hand raised as if to shield her from a physical blow.

"Kenzi, please just… make your point."

"I'm getting to it. Anyway, so my friend; the point is, this girl got under her skin in a big way, and then totally screwed her over in the kind of big, huge, 4th of July, Oscar ceremony, Barbra Streisand kinda style that makes you wanna hate somebody's guts. Really hate 'em. Like, you wanna smash the shit out of stuff and pretend it's them. Or mail them a bunch of something really gross, because what they did is exactly as disgusting as a padded envelope full of racoon parts and dogshit and rancid bacon."

At this, Lauren started to make some plea for mercy, but Kenzi charged ahead and talked over it.

"But that's the _thing_, Doc. She's not."

Lauren looked up and met the other girl's eyes in surprise. Kenzi continued, a little softer now.

"She's not doing any of that stuff. And I mean, my friend, she's totally awesome at violence, it's not like she hasn't got a healthy anger impulse. This girl got so far under my friend's skin that even after doing a whole bunch of damage, she's still there. Much as she wants to, she can't get this chick out of her system and I don't think she's going to any time soon."

"That's what's wrong with my friend, that's why she's dragging her sorry ass around pretending she's okay. "

Lauren searched the girl's dark features in vain for some hint of where she was leading her with this.

"And this chick – she's a doctor by the way, in case you're not following – she's lotsa things. She's this like, painfully uptight human icebox who keeps all her personality in her labcoat and wouldn't recognise fun if somebody accidentally spilled it onto her favourite fucking microscope.-"

Only a slight twitch at the edge of the doctor's mouth betrayed a reaction, and in spite of everything, Kenzi found herself silently commending the other woman's patience.

"-_But... _I don't think she's cruel. Lotsa other lame things, sure, but she's not cruel. And I don't like her, and I don't trust her, but whatever else her deal is, I don't think she's faking when it comes to my friend. And if _I _know that, then I'm pretty damn sure my friend knows that, and it seems like that's why it's all such a big deal."

She paused, perhaps only for dramatic effect.

"I mean, don't know how the hell somebody could do something like that to someone they _love_, but I'm pretty sure somebody did."

And there it was, Lauren thought. Later, she'd find time to wonder if Kenzi had known exactly how she felt for Bo before she had herself. Goddamn those keen, pitiless instincts.

A heavy moment settled.

"That was just it." the older woman began quietly, smiling sadly to herself. "I did it _because_..."

But here, her nerve failed. She couldn't bear to finish that sentence out loud in this place and time.

She let seconds grind past painfully, and breathed a hard sigh.

"God, I never wanted to hurt her." she said, barely more than a whisper.

"It's all so complicated now. But it was so simple. It felt so simple, there wasn't anything else. I wasn't trying to..."

She collected herself a little.

"It was real. It was just... her. It was just about her." She stared off to something distant.

"She makes it so easy to believe everything's simple."

Kenzi shrugged.

"That's the thing you've gotta know about her, Doc. She's used to making everything simple. It's either broke or it's fixed, or like... she's breaking it or fixing it. You and me, we don't always get that option. We have to live around stuff the way it is."

Kenzi waited until the doctor met her eye again before proceeding.

"Look. I don't like you Lauren, but I don't hate you either. I mean, I don't get it. But who gives a shit what I think, I'm not the one who wants to ride you off into the sunset, right?"

The doctor's cheeks pinked just a little, and a little more besides for knowing that was probably the desired effect.

"I'm just saying. I don't know what you guys had going, and sweet Jesus do I not want to, but I don't think it's something she's had a lot of practice with, so she's taken it pretty hard. But I don't hate you, and she doesn't either."

She paused to rethink this immediately.

"Well, I mean she kinda hates you right_ now_, but she doesn't totally hate you for good. If she did be like, axing you into itty bitty pieces rather than just pulling your pigtails at recess and whatever. The point is, it only hurt her like it did 'cause it was _you. Y_ou know that right? She didn't see that coming from_ you_."

Uncomfortable silence descended, and lasted too long. They were both mildly surprised when it was the doctor who broke it first. She took a deep breath before speaking - slowly, agonisingly, as if any word could choke her at any moment.

"Kenzi... is she only ever going to want me if she can't have Dyson?"

The younger girl raised an eyebrow, but before she could respond Lauren spoke again; quickly now, as if she feared she might lose her nerve again before she finished.

"I know who she is, I know what she is, I understand that and I know I couldn't be... enough. I don't need her to be exclusive, I can live with being one of a number, I just... I'm not sure I can live with knowing I was second choice. That's different. Knowing wherever we might end up would only ever be... a consolation prize. That I could never really make her happy. I'm not sure I could bear knowing that."

She paused.

"Not for long."

Kenzi regarded the other woman with a fresh and slightly unexpected shade of sympathy, and sighed.

"Look, Doc... I don't know where that conversation is gonna go. But I do know for sure it's not me you need to have it with. And I don't know if she's gonna run to you if she can't have Dyson, or Dyson if she can't have you, or hey, maybe all three of you can work something out that you should, again, absolutely never tell me about under any circumstances -"

Lauren's features again betrayed only the faintest hint of her distaste.

"-all I'm saying is... I dunno what I'm saying. I just know you idiots need to try and fix this yourselves, 'cause I'm sick of watching my best friend pretend she's not miserable, and making you feel bad is too easy to be fun anymore. And I'll be damned if I'm going to be the designated grown-up here anymore. So just like... fix it."

The doctor absorbed this silently.

"Anyway. I'm done Switzerlanding for you guys, and my Xbox patiently awaits." Kenzi straightened up with a note of finality.

"So what's it to be, Doc? In your expert opinion, what should I tell my friend about her stupid problem?"

Lauren considered this carefully. And, with great care, she said:

"Well, as I said before, I'd advise her to speak to a medical professional. And... I'd tell her to expect a house call."

Kenzi nodded with approval, like a teacher watching a particularly slow student finally negotiate a very basic math problem.

"Will do." And after a thoughtful pause - "And uh... I will also be staying out tonight. All night. I've got something crazy important to do, whenever I decide what it is."

A longer pause, and a troubled frown.

"And maybe tomorrow morning just in case."

Lauren smiled a little.

"Kenzi... thanks."

Kenzi pulled on her jacket, and prepared to leave.

"Whatever. Not really for your benefit" she said, and shrugged. And then, with a little grunt of reluctant frustration, added:

"But... I didn't forget you saved my life. After you put it in danger in the first place, but it still kinda counts. And I'm not stupid, I know that was more about Bo than me, but... I figure if you're willing to deal with more of _me_ to get more of_ her_, you gotta be serious. Well I mean, you're _always_ serious, but you know what I'm getting at. I'm babbling, whatever, you know what I mean."

She started for the door, and turned back to fix the doctor with her most fearsome guard dog scowl one last time.

"Fuck it up again and I will be on your ass like the wrath of God, Lewis."

This time, the doctor's expression betrayed nothing.

"I'll bear that in mind."

Evidently satisfied, Hurricane Kenzi made her dramatic departure through the lab, loudly declaring her debt to the doctor for "the giant bunch of penicillin" she had apparently provided, to any and all available ears.

And with her, Lauren would later realise, went her favourite sterling silver Parker pen.


End file.
